I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
