Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
