My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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