I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
