We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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