After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
