man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
