Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
