The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
