Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the day after is always just damage control
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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