bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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