He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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