just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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