What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
