She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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