so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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