It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
