I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
