turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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