i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize