i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
