Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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