I got chris browned last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize