you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
