At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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