Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
