Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
