I didn't shave. On purpose
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
