You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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