There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
