I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
