Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
