All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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