You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
