the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize