I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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