Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize