I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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