Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
