you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
