Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
