Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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