Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
