I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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