Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
