just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
