I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
