I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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