Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
