Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
