does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
