guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
