3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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