Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
