Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
