hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
