apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
