Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
