Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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