Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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