when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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