I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
