I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
