I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
