Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
