I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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