Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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