is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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