Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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