Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
