You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's always time for handjobs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
