My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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