i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pappa wants mamma naked
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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