Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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