All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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