I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
