ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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