i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize