I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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