i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
