what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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