So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
