i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
