The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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