is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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