I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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