Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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