you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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