i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
God, I missed his penis.
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