No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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