chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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