So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
