Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
