I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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