Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
