Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
