I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
