why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Floor bacon is actually really good
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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