You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
being pregnant is like rehab
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
