she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I party with great urgency now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
