i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
