just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
