Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
